Summer Flocks

School is coming up fast and although I’m nervous about my son’s foray into kindergarten, there is one thing I won’t miss: the neighborhood flock o’ kids. You know the one. A cloud that runs up and down the street that’s topped with heads at varying heights and either legs or wheels at the bottom. In the middle there’s usually an electron cloud of arms and odd sounds emanate at random intervals.

The Flock itself isn’t too bad. It keeps The Boy occupied and it’s easier to get stuff done. Just a quick peek out the window or a glance up from yard work does the trick. The first problem arises when you try to separate The Boy from The Flock. Sometime it’s easy. If you time it when he’s thirsty or hungry, you can lure him away with the promise of refreshment. Care must be exercised though since if the rest of The Flock notices, you’re out of juice boxes in the blink on an eye.

This was my first summer of flock and we’re pretty laid back. I didn’t realize though that I’d turn around and wonder how that child got in my house and where precisely did my child go? It’s like dealing with vampires too…once you invite them into the house you can’t get rid of them. Garlic doesn’t work; they’ll eat that too. A stake through the heart just pisses off the other parents in the neighborhood, so that’s out.

The second big problem is when The Flock dwindles in number due to vacations, activities, or a brief recovery from a stake through the heart. Then instead of the nice mob mentality, you see the lines being drawn. Usually it’s boys versus girls. I have a boy, that’s easy. It’s the girls who cause the trouble. (Note: this is from the experience in my neighborhood. If you have a girl who never pulls this crap, kudos to you. I also suggest to you that perhaps you’re not watching all the time.) He’ll be standing across the street and call over to the two or three girls playing and is promptly ignored. I mean totally. Not a word, not a nod. Now my boy is sweet (to others, not necessarily to his parents) and he gets a little bent at this. I’ll tell him things like, “They must be playing really hard,” or the occasional, “Sometimes people do that.” I then usually lure him off with some daddy time.

What I’d like to say: “Yeah, women are like that and it will probably get worse until high school. It should let up a bit then…if you’re lucky…and choose to run with women that don’t suck like that. You can also eventually use ‘dude revenge’ by paying attention to a girl for a while and then go run off and play with your male friends and totally ignore her thereby gaining revenge (in your head) on the whole of the female species. This initially will be a genetic flaw, but by college will most likely be a measured response which you will hopefully outgrow by the time you graduate college.”

I won’t even go into the issues I have with the one member of the estrogened side of The Flock right now. I will later because I have no shame and will pick on little girls (after softening the blow by relating her background) who dis The Boy.

Oh well, a few more days and it’ll hopefully be all homework and after school activities. Then The Flock will be no more. I’m sure I’ll have school issues to deal with, but at least they won’t be in my house eating whatever they see and drinking all the damn juice boxes.

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4 Responses

  1. Girls rule. Boys drool.

  2. as a kindergarten teacher, AND A MOTHER, I love love love that there are still kids that run around neighborhoods! Be free young children, be free…

  3. My baby is still, well, a baby, but I totally remember being part of those flocks as a kid! Those times are some of the best memories!

  4. A girl is the fuel when you see a boy drool.

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